freestyle fairytale.

kerrielynn asked: hey. i miss hearing your brainmumblies. you should blog. or skype. haha

haha… I may adopt the term brainmumblies forever, because it’s brilliant. Also, I’ve been writing pages of incoherent thoughts lately… I may try to organize them a tad and post them, but I miss your brainmumblies too! Lets skype soon!

los angeles, i love you

I love Los Angeles.   

It is an easygoing, unconditional love.

Particularly, I have fallen in love with Los Angeles at night. I have taken to spending a lot of time just driving, somewhat aimlessly, around town at night. It is part exploration and part desperation. My life feels like it is moving at a hundred miles an hour and I’ve been trying, haphazardly, just to keep up with it. I’ve never been this busy, I work 7 days a week and don’t really have free time. Life isn’t bad, it’s just a little exhausting. Sneaking out into the night and driving around often feels like the only way I can back my life into a corner and force it to quiet and slow down, so I can take it in. 

ode to an all time favorite movie pt.1

In the great year of 1997 I was twelve years old and Titanic swept across movie theaters around the world, changing my life forever. I remember where I was when I saw it for the first time, and I’m not even sure if I understood at the time why I loved it so much, but it struck a chord in me and instantly became my favorite movie. It’s still one of my favorite movies of all time. Truthfully, I love it more now than I did then. Definitely. I’ve seen it probably around 200 times. It’s one of the greatest movies ever made. James Cameron, I know you spent like 13 years writing and working on Avatar, and Avatar was aight, but, in my humble opinion, Titanic is your masterpiece. The story couldn’t have been written better, and the way you brought it to life gives me that nervous excited feeling and makes my heart feel like its swelling up, every time, in that way thats painful yet also wonderful. Epic history, adventure, romance, drama. Everything about this movie is perfect, even the soundtrack (thank you James Horner for that).

I could, with ease, use a lot of words to painstakingly break down exactly why Titanic is one of the greatest movies ever made…. because, over the years, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why I love it so much… but I wont do that to you. You’re welcome. I don’t even know, I’ve been going on for about 4 minutes and you already may have stopped reading this. It’s cool, I understand.

All of this to say, Titanic, you deserve every single one of the eleven Academy Awards you won. I’ve loved you since I was twelve, and I will love you forever. You’re the movie that made me fall in love with movies… and Leonardo DiCaprio. Thank you.

the war.

I’m not really sure how this happened, but somehow it’s 3:00 in the morning now and I’m sitting in my room, with my headphones on, listening to Justin Bieber. I can’t sleep, which really isn’t anything new. I’ve always been a bad sleeper. 

but… needless to say, I’m feeling a little inspired haha, so I’m gonna attempt to share some thoughts

I read 1 Thessalonians 1 a few weeks ago but for whatever reason verse 3 has stuck with me.  

“We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor of love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ”          -1 Thes 1:3

Endurance inspired by hope in Jesus, I’m not totally sure why, but that concept has been on my mind for weeks. The idea of courage and bravery and strength being inspired and founded in the hope that is in Jesus.  I know what it is to feel hopeless, and to feel weak, and I know what it’s like to put hope in things that fail and only leave me more disappointed and lost. I know there have been times when I’ve wanted to give up on everything. Hope is a word thats tossed around a lot, so its meaning can kind of seem like it’s been dulled, but we can’t survive without hope, and the only hope there is that promises to be alive and to see us through anything is the hope that is in Jesus. In Jesus there is always hope.  

It’s easy to say that because of Jesus there is purpose in all of the pain and confusion in our lives, but what does that even mean? That truth isn’t comforting if we don’t know what it means or what the purpose is. If there is one thing that I’ve seen in my life and in the lives of the people around me, it’s that Jesus uses our failures and our weaknesses just as much as our successes and victories to draw people to Himself and to meet people where they are. Jesus uses our hardships and our trials to help us grow, but when we give our lives to Jesus our lives become a lot more about other people than they are about us. I don’t know why God does everything He does, but I do know that He loves people… and not just certain people, but all people. The world is full of people who are hurting; people who are lonely and exhausted and who are fighting just to survive their lives, and finding Jesus in the midst of my hurt and confusion and letting Jesus be who He is, in my life  and through my life, is the only way I am beneficial to anyone. I don’t have anything to offer anyone, I depend, really in every way, on Jesus. I’m a mess of a person and everything I know about love comes from Jesus. Jesus loves so freely and without conditions. Spending time with Jesus and thinking about who He is and how great His love is makes me want to be more like Him and it makes me love Him more. Jesus is magnetic in that way. Kind of intoxicating. You lose yourself in Him. It’s beautiful.

Even when we give up on Jesus He never gives up on us, and even when we turn and walk away from Jesus He never turns or walk away from us. 

Sometimes (a lot of the time) I take it for granted that Jesus is the way He is, but I’m really thankful. All I seem to do is fail at things, I’m selfish and I lose my faith so easily, and I’m thankful that Jesus’ love overshadows all of my failures, and that who He is is everything I need.  

“We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into out hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” -Romans 5:2-4   

The only hope there is that promises to be alive and to never leave us is Jesus. In Jesus there is always hope.